Top Ten
Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
(We came up with these in an effort to interest Dave (Letterman) in
TLAPD. His staff liked 'em, but alas, his show was"dark"
the week of Sept. 19.)
10. Avast, me
proud beauty!
Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever
met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up
and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is
a hornpipe in my pocket and
I am happy to see you.
6. I'd love to
drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me,
but would ya mind if fired me cannon
through your porthole?
4. How'd you like
to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’,
I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me
down?
And the
number one pickup line for use on
International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1.
Prepare to be boarded.
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Pirate
lingo is rich and complicated, sort of like a good stew. There are
several other sites that offer glossaries that are pretty good,
and you
can find some of them here |
But if you
just want a quick fix, a surface gloss, a "pirate patina,"
if you will, here are the five basic words that you cannot live without.
Master them, and you can face Talk Like a Pirate Day with a smile on
your face and a parrot on your shoulder, if that's your thing.
Ahoy!
- "Hello!"
Avast!-
Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise,
"Whoa! Get a load of that!" which today makes it more
of a "Check it out" or "No way!" or "Get
off!"
Aye!-
"Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just
said or did."
Aye
aye!- "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my
break is over." |
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| Arrr!
- This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the
sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!"
can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm
happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," And those are just
a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr! |
 |
Advanced
pirate lingo; or On beyond “Aarrr!”
Once you've mastered the basics, you're ready to start
expanding your pirate vocabulary. Try these for starters
Beauty-The
best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by “me,”
as in, “C’mere, me beauty,” or even, “me
buxom beauty,” to one particularly well endowed. You’ll
be surprised how effective this is.
Bilge
rat – The bilge is the lowest level of the ship.
It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge
rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship.
On TLAP Day – A lot of guy humor involves insulting your
buddies to prove your friendship. It’s important that everyone
understand you are smarter, more powerful and much luckier with
the wenches than they are. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing
to call someone, by all means use it on your friends. |
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| Bung
hole – Victuals on a ship were stored in wooden casks.
The stopper in the barrel is called the bung, and the hole is called
the bung hole. That’s all. It sounds a lot worse, doesn’t
it? On TLAP Day – When dinner is served you’ll make
quite an impression when you say, “Well, me hearties, let’s
see what crawled out of the bung hole.” That statement will
be instantly followed by the sound of people putting down their
utensils and pushing themselves away from the table. Great! More
for you! |
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| Grog
– An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water, but
in this context you could use it to refer to any alcoholic beverage
other than beer, and we aren’t prepared to be picky about
that, either. Call your beer grog if you want. We won’t stop
you! Water aboard ship was stored for long periods in slimy wooden
barrels, so you can see why rum was added to each sailor’s
water ration – to kill the rancid taste. On TLAP Day –
Drink up, me hearties! And call whatever you’re drinking grog
if you want to. If some prissy pedant purses his lips and protests
the word grog can only be used if drinking rum and water, not the
Singapore Sling you’re holding, keelhaul him! |
 |
| Hornpipe
– Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had
aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do. On TLAP Day –
We are not big fans of the capering, it’s not our favorite
art form, if you will, so we don’t have a lot to say on the
subject, other than to observe that the common term for being filled
with lust is “horny,” and hornpipe then has some comical
possibilities. “Is that a hornpipe in your pocket, or are
you just glad to see me? Or both?” |
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| Lubber
– (or land lubber) This is the seaman’s version of land
lover, mangled by typical pirate disregard for elocution. A lubber
is someone who does not go to sea, who stays on the land. On TLAP
Day – More likely than not, you are a lubber 364 days of the
year. But not if you’re talking like a pirate! Then the word
lubber becomes one of the more fierce weapons in your arsenal of
piratical lingo. In a room where everyone is talking like pirates,
lubber is ALWAYS an insult. |
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| Smartly
– Do something quickly. On TLAP Day – “Smartly,
me lass,” you might say when sending the bar maid off for
another round. She will be so impressed she might well spit in your
beer. |
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Top
Ten Pickup Lines
for the Lady Pirates
By
popular demand ...
10. What are
YOU doing here?
9. Is that a belayin'
pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)
8. Come show me
how ye bury yer treasure, lad!
7. So, tell me,
why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"
6. That's quite
a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!
5. Aye, I guarantee
ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"
4. I've crushed
seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!
3. C'mon, lad,
shiver me timbers!
2. RAMMING SPEED!
...and
the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:
1.
You. Pants Off. Now!
Bonus
pickup lines
(when the others don't work, as they often won't)
They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.
You’re drinking
a Salty Dog?
How’d you like to try the real thing?
Wanna shiver me
timbers?
I’ve
sailed the seven seas,
and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted
Brwaack!
Polly want a cracker? …
Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.
That’s
the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Let's get
together and haul some keel.
That’s
some treasure chest
you’ve got there.
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